Walking with a purpose

I'm the girl that starts off with high hopes for the new year. I make plans to lose weight, Tackle being more organized, and being closer to God. Somehow, I still manage to fall short. I let anxiety and fear take over and somehow rule and reign over my life. I fight the silent nudges to step out on faith and allow God to rule and reign over my life.  Life gets difficult. You will be tried. Fear will have its moments where it wants to hold you hostage. I find myself wanting to open my eyes, and the hurdle not be there in front of me. Begging to live life out of the valley.  Sometimes, I wish that God would make my mountain easier to climb. I wish that He would give me the strength I see in others. Before I can let that thought fully live in my mind, I remind myself that God won't just give me the power that someone else possesses because I may not be able to handle the weakness that comes along with it. This year the Lord placed me in moments where I had to step o...

Dear Young Girl,  I know you want to be "good enough" but honestly what does that look like at 18? Must perfection be your only concern? You see the enemy knows the most powerful thing a person can possess is freedom, and he is seeking to keep that from you. He will do everything in his power to keep you in bondage, focused on the wrong things, and stagnant in your faith. The enemy doesn't want you to be free which is why you must become free. You are beautiful. Worthy. You are seen. Take those headphones out and pick up your head. It's going to be impossible for people to interact with you if you are constantly standing by in the shadows. People need to know the story behind those beautiful brown eyes. The life behind that incredible smile you have.  Step out. Dare to live and love again. I know your heart is hurting, and I know you are insecure in so many ways but believe that greater is coming your way. Freedom from insecurity is possible you just hav...

Dear Young Girl, It's me future you. I know you are wondering what's on the other end of your hurt. You are 13, going through the motions of life, and trying to figure out how your image fits into what's going on around you. You love Jesus, golfing (sometimes), and reading books. You are quiet, rarely talk to people unless they approach you. However, some crazy kid (that you will forgive later) is going to say something so hurtful that's going to question your ability to be great. It will rock your world. You are going to scrub your skin to be lighter. You are going to find other outlets that aren't the right outlets to release pain. I spent the weekend traveling back to the place where our transformation first took place. Seven years ago I dared to be different and I stepped on to the campus of a school in Montgomery Alabama. Afraid of all the things that could have gone wrong, God showed favor on my life from beginning to end. This weekend I sat amongst our f...

"All of His goodness, and all of His promises....He's holding my world in his hands" It just hit me. I am 26. I am usually the person that makes a huge deal about her birthday. Celebrating for a whole entire month, dropping hints to my family and friends about what I want, and asking people to clear their schedules for my big day. In my opinion I feel like people should be off work and rest in honor of September 19th. Laughable I know. Never the less this month has brought so many reflections about what year 25 meant to me. How God provided, how I struggled, and how I grew up.  God provides in the most unexpected ways.  Reading my journal from this past year  I was reminded of how important the journey is. Why God requires us to wait on certain things, and why you should not just take things in your own hands.  One major thing I had to let go of to cling to the promises God has for me was fear. I turned away from those things that held me down a...

No one really wants love to be an emotional response to life's temporary satisfactions. If we were all to be honest with ourselves we are searching for things that will last, desiring deep in our soul to be pursued by love. It's love that is unconditional. Love that wipes away our tears and cures those feelings of loneliness that we never truly want to be open about. Love that smiles back at you and me when we don't deserve grace. We want people to love us. We want people to shatter the emotional baggage that we carry from our past. We fall in love with the idea of love. In the silence we long for love and companionship. We say the words "I Love You" so casually not truly thinking a second thought about it. Love is someone waiting at the well for you. Love is someone seeing you drawing water in your jar. Love is someone seeing you and knowing you. Love is someone telling you of the Good News of what is to come. Love is someone watching you run away to tell ...

Jesus>Fear Amazed and afraid. That basically sums up this current season that I am in. Fear and anxiety have completely taken an unusual root in my life. I was afraid that I wouldn't be any good at this. I hate feeling like I’m losing control of what happens from here. I have a feeling that if I could get past this fear I could be incredible. I would be everything He created me to be. Even though I am in awe of where I am I still find myself fearful of entering into something new. Can I just say this.... Fear irritates me.Like not a little but a lot. It completely can rob you of everything if you allow it to. I allowed fear to dictate where I was going and what I desire to be. I heard it whisper "you don't deserve this" and "why did you decide to do that" so much that it crippled me. I could not breathe. I felt ugly. I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going next. I became so afraid of failing again I found myself never wanting to...

Standing in the mirror not seeing all that you say you see. Insecure is now my new reality. It's the inner me that's trying to fight all the negative inside of me. I just wanted to see myself the way that He sees me. Fear soon began to creep in, and I became afraid to show the real pieces of myself.  The secret to muting the fear-filled silence when walking in His purpose for your life, is trusting that God is stronger than your doubt. He may not have created you to be like the rest of the world, but it’s only because He expected that you would be strong enough to find peace, not fear, in the silence. I’m tired of living up to the expectations of what people say. I want to remove the roadblocks that are keeping me from finding the beauty in my purpose. I’m tired of talking myself out of better. I woke up one day and decided that I was capable of accepting the beauty and image I was made in.  I had a friend recently tell me, "Cre you know you are so beauti...

Dear Lost Friend, I wish I could save you. I wish I could help you see this from the outside looking in. I don’t want to be your enemy. I just want to be your friend. I want to help you see that you deserve better than what you’re accepting from yourself. I love you too much to watch you settle here. I’ve seen you fight too hard to give in now. You’re too young, too smart, too incredible to let this beat you. I wish I could show you at the heart of your frustration is fear. You’re so much stronger than you appear. You spent your whole entire life avoiding becoming this person. When will you learn that fear has no place here? When will you allow yourself to tap into the person that He desires for you to be? I hear you saying "Life just isn't fair Cre" and I sympathize with you. I hear you. I too have felt wronged by this thing we call life. My struggle was different from yours, but I didn’t escape struggle altogether. And I know you want to believe that you have a ...

"Scared of the light more than the dark. Scared of beautiful."---Brandy I hated me. God will show us how to love an imperfect person perfectly, right? The only problem is you have to truly believe that, and I don’t think you can until you experience it.  I think unconditional self love is buried underneath our shame, pain, and fear. We carry those bags from one thing to the next never stopping to unpack and allow ourselves the opportunity to see ourselves the way He sees us. I have had one goal for the last 12 years, and that was to hide in the shadows. I wanted no one to know me. I wanted to let no one in because it lessened the chances of me being hurt. Well that is what I thought I was doing.  Truth is I was running from this cryptic phrase "you look like tar" about my self image, and I carried that bag with me everywhere. I hated what that phrase made me become. More weak than I could ever imagine, more wounded than I knew possible.  ...

" The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. "  Zephaniah 3:17 I am trying to fit. Trying to become this person that is not defined by the mistakes and the scars of her past. Isolating myself from people, places, and all the things that could complete me a little bit more. I carry the weight of working diligently to keep this mask on my face. The mask that covers up my insides. Recently I learned that I need to take new route for myself to become whole and it is going to start with me loving Cre.  Now I realize that my journey may not be your journey and that is cool. However I want to encourage you to walk with me as I find me. Walk with me as I explore the depths of my heart and expose the pieces and places that need more than a bandage.  You see I fell in love with trying to hold it together. I learned the art of being "good" and not ...

"The way that You love me is everything I need" "Being single sucks Cre." the young girl that I work with told me earlier this week. I sat there honestly not sure of what my response should be. I paused for a few moments and then replied "Until you learn that this season is meant to focus on you and the person you desire to be you will always feel like being single sucks." Now I find myself here writing this blog with hopes of reaching more than just my single peeps. I use to feel the burden of being single so deep that I hated every holiday known to man (except for my birthday because obvi it is the best day of the year). Recently I have found myself in a place where I enjoy being able to love me and not seek from a man that probably is not ready for the things that I am ready for. I do not think I am ready to show someone the pieces of myself that I have not quite perfected with Jesus. I am in a place where I find it hard to submit to God so am ...