Scared of Beautiful: My Song

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"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

I am trying to fit. Trying to become this person that is not defined by the mistakes and the scars of her past. Isolating myself from people, places, and all the things that could complete me a little bit more. I carry the weight of working diligently to keep this mask on my face. The mask that covers up my insides. Recently I learned that I need to take new route for myself to become whole and it is going to start with me loving Cre. 

Now I realize that my journey may not be your journey and that is cool. However I want to encourage you to walk with me as I find me. Walk with me as I explore the depths of my heart and expose the pieces and places that need more than a bandage. 

You see I fell in love with trying to hold it together. I learned the art of being "good" and not so flawed in public all the while in the closets of my heart stands a girl with major image and self love issues. They began to make themselves public in the most uncomfortable way. 

I found myself extremely frustrated with the way that I looked physically in every way. I picked apart my image from top to bottom. I collected more shame along the way. More elephants, less room.. It became difficult to conceive that someone could love me when I still cringed at the memory of my past and my present. 

I found myself making every excuse why I should not be loved by God and the people he sent to love me. I found myself saying that there is no way that God is rejoicing over me with singing, but Great is his love for me. He holds me his precious daughter in his hand. He looks out for me. He has a great desire to peel back these images that I see in myself and create a new image of His love for me in me. I feel the Father welcoming me into a new world. This world has more confidence and is full of His desires to love me deeper. 

So let me tell you about this series we are preparing to embark on together. It will be hard. Let me be real. I am terrified of beautiful. I am scared for me and of me. I am also not going to hide in the dark anymore. I don't want you to either. No more walking past mirrors in shame or placing myself up against my friends feeling like I should look or be like them. Only truth and transparency spoken here in this series. I will reveal why I am scared of beautiful. 

My Sweet Father,
Self love is the best type of love. 
I have been running from my image that was created in you for to long.
Today I stand with the desire to know what beauty is in you.
I will love me more and I will listen for your song over me daily.

Signed,
Scared of Beautiful


Comments

  1. UnknownFebruary 21, 2016 at 2:29 PM

    Such beautiful words and encouragement for every woman struggling with self! Well written gorgeous sister!

    ReplyDelete

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