Build My Life

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Build my Life
So it's my birthday weekend, and I sit here on the heels of a new season, new doors on the journey ahead, and extremely expectant for what is next. However I can't help but reflect on 26. It was the year I woke up one day and decided to start taking my life back. Taking my life back from the lies, taking my life back from the mistakes, and placing my life back in the foundation that is Jesus. I was in the middle of a battle where the enemy was attempting to take my life from me. Then one day it clicked with Jesus, and I decided I wanted to be genuinely happy not waiting for the next time I could be temporarily satisfied.

I think a lot of people have been looking at me these last few months and are asking, "What changed? You are different. You look different." 

It's difficult to explain. There was a lot of breaking that took place. It wasn't just one particular moment. It was mainly a decision to stop ignoring the voice on the inside. I always thought hearing from God would make everything in my world stand still, and all of my attention would be on Him. I didn't realize that it would take me silencing all my doubt, fears, insecurities, and excuses. I didn't realize that I had been hearing from God for as long as I could remember. It was the voice I learned to override when I wanted to feel good more than I wanted to become better. It was the conviction I felt telling me not to do something before I did it. That voice required me to make some tough, even embarrassing, decisions. But that voice always gave more than it took. That voice led me to peace, joy, love, purpose, confidence (lots and lots of confidence).

I almost let my insecurities and fears strip me of my authenticity. I thought I just wanted to have something normal. Then one day I woke up and knew that I'd spent too long trying to fix my past and that I didn't cherish my present. However that's when I decided to embrace that I couldn't change what happened, but I could be empowered to make sure that the pain and fear I felt wouldn't happen to me or anyone else again.

My friend asked me recently at dinner "What is one thing you want to remember as you turn 27?"

I couldn't sum it up, but my girl Sarah Jakes Roberts did it for me:
"Be your own kind of special. No one on this Earth can compete with you when it comes to being you. Stop asking for permission to be different. The only box you fit in is the one that exists within your own mind. Stretch yourself, find your rhythm, and leave your mark on this world. Don't waste another second trying to be normal."

So here is to be being more than good. Here is to me wanting more than normal. Here is to me walking and knowing that there will be hard days. Here is to me stepping outside of my comfort zone. I am looking for to the unpredictability that life will bring me.  I want to challenge myself to refuse to be afraid. Daring to be brave, bold, and confident in my ability to face unchartered territory. My feet were made to walk on water, and if I ever feel like I am going to sink, all I have to do is fix my eyes on Jesus. 

Dear God,
Thank you for last 26 years. I take none of it for granted. God I know that my strength is produced by trusting you. Continue to help me to see the light in the dark places of my life. Thank you for my scars that are wonderful souvenirs from the past that keep reminding me of why I am still on the journey with you.  Keep me rooted, and flourishing in you always.

Signed,
Build my Life

P.S. In honor of my birthday everyone enjoy a cupcake :)


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