We Are

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"Fight the shadows and conqueror death...we are the light of the world and we gotta let the light shine"---- We Are by Kari Jobe

I'm broken. I think I'm bold enough to own that in this stage if my life. I live in a world where I'm constantly pushing people that love me away because in my mind I have this delusion that love hurts, because I have chosen previously not to guard my heart. I allow my insecurities to rule me to the point where people question if my confidence exists. Each "devastation" I have allowed myself to suffer has been confirmation of my secret insecurities. Feeling unworthy of true love, I allow myself to settle for what the world offers me, but this crazy thing happened today... God showed me his love in a new kind of way and it was selfless, humbling and true. I heard him calling me out of this place of hiding into a place of walking with him. I heard him requiring me to really trust him in this place that I am in. 

I believe that a lot of times we hide in the shadows because we are afraid of what revealing ourselves will mean. Imagine a life free from the chains of what everyone thinks about you and showing everyone the beauty of who you really are. I believe that a lot of times we carry hurts from situations that shouldn't have defined us. I think that society has created this longing to be accepted by these scrapes that the world gives us. Why? What is wrong with being different and smiling about life because you are happy? Because hurting seems easier. Walking with your head down and not looking at people in the eye creates this sense that you aren't wanted by the world. 


Can I share a small secret with you? You are loved. I know for me when I am in this place of self doubt I question the love that God or people have for me. I wish I could go back in time and tell you how I changed my mind. I just know that I decided today my insecurity had spent too long on stage. I read this excerpt from Sarah Jakes blog recently that really put into words what I have been trying to convey to myself "The confusing part of owning your truth is fearing that people will say you’re being prideful or that making peace with your past means you’re not sorry it occurred. How long do we want people to carry their sentence? How many years do you hold your head down in the face of grace? I just wonder if our greatest disservice to God is refusing the strength of His grace and mercy.  Perhaps we throw stones too soon and speak love too late. Maybe they don’t believe that our God is so loving because so many of us aren’t. We hardly ever  admit the difficulty we have with loving ourselves not to mention loving others."  

Am I sorry my past occurred? Yes. Yes because it has allowed me to stay chained to what I thought was desired for me and my life. I believe it has allowed my blinded eyes to be opened to the great beauties of life. A lot of which I stare right in the mirror everyday. We live in a world so consumed with hating and tearing down others that people hardly ever feel real love. I'm going to continue to smile and laugh because those are the things that I know bring joy to others hearts. I regret the day where I let anyone steal that wonderful shine from my life. So to anyone reading this that is hiding in the shadows or you know someone in the shadows encourage them to come out. It's sunny and warm out here I need more people to enjoy this beauty of life with me :) 


I love you all! 

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